It Begins

Well,
Really it began in the early 80's while I was in college. One of the things the professors always harped on, in every single class, was that my chosen profession/avocation leads to burn out very quickly, with ugly results for all involved. You see, I had decided to become a special education teacher. High burn out rate... does ugly things to the teacher, and even uglier things to the students.... So, I made a vow with my roommate, who was a future high school history teacher herself, that no matter what my life circumstances were, if I was burned out, I'd stop teaching. Period.

I'm proud to say that I kept that vow. I'm disappointed in myself that it happened during the school year and quite suddenly, leaving my boss and co-workers scrambling for a replacement, and my students no opportunity to say good-bye. I regret that part of my decision... But I would regret much more the damage that might have been done, had I stayed as an exhausted, burnt out teacher, taking no joy from my students' success... That would have done more harm than my sudden departure, I'm certain.

So, I kept my vow.... and I'm glad I did.

The largest cause of my sudden retirement is fibromyalgia. I hate that it's the "disease du jour" but what can you do? When your body is in pain, you don't sleep... when you don't sleep, the fibro gets worse... When you're in pain and exhausted... you cannot give the students what they need and deserve...

I was never one who could accept doing "good enough" or even "better than most"... I was no longer able to give my students my ALL or my BEST... and they both deserve, and need, at LEAST that... so... at 47, I'm retired.

I have two oddly personal accomplishments that I'm proud of in this... One is, I lasted 20 years, not the average 3-5, in special education. That's a biggie! The other is that I managed an entire career in education with out ever succumbing to the purchase of a "teacher cart" OR an Apple Sweater! yea me!!!

My other personal source of pride is that I did notice the burn out, and kept my promise.
sad for me, yea for me... ambivalence abounds... (look it up)